Losing friends in retirement is challenging. Here are a few ways to cope!
When you’ve experienced the loss of a good friend, especially after a life-long friendship, it can be rather difficult to put your feelings into words. You might even feel a mixture of emotions simultaneously, and imagining life without them may be rough.
No matter how hard it is right now, though, you have to find the courage to go on with your life and begin to cope with your loss. Grieving is a process, or rather a long climb, which requires perseverance, strength, and endurance.
And as tough as this sounds, you only have to focus on taking one step at a time. Everyone’s journey is different, yet there are similarities in the terrain each must cross through. You can make it through this all while honoring the memory of your friend.
The grieving process takes time. So be patient with yourself. On that note, here are the 10 stages of the healing process and ways to cope with losing friends in retirement.
Shock and being in denial
When you experience losing friends in retirement, you may go through feelings of disbelief, confusion, and shock. You may even convince yourself it’s just a horrible nightmare, but you can’t wake up or deny what happened entirely.
And while these feelings are normal and can take some time to work through, if you feel complete detachment, you may be undergoing something other than grief. You can’t begin the grieving if you detach yourself from feeling anything.
Grief is a constant process, even if it is sometimes slow-moving. Just be patient…and if you don’t think you’re progressing on the journey, seek help.
How to cope: Create a tradition around your friend as part of your grieving process. Place their picture in a special place and talk to them regularly. Or listen to a favorite song or recite a poem you both loved.
Writing is also incredibly therapeutic. So write whenever you feel the need in a journal dedicated to and addressed directly to your deceased friend.
The tough part… Anger
After the initial shock of losing a friend in retirement wears off, you might feel fierce emotions like guilt, fear, hurt, and sadness. They can feel overwhelming and powerful at times. To deal with the wave of emotions in the grieving process, you might be eager to mask them with other emotions like rage.
If you find yourself seething mad on your journey, it’s okay. Ultimately, you’ll work through your feelings, but your anger is giving you the fuel you need to catapult toward healing. Knowing why you’re ready to unleash everything in your path will help you manage this anger.
For instance, if you notice you have a short fuse, then try to avoid things that push your buttons. With time, you’ll feel more in control of your feelings, but the emotions are raw right now and need time to recover.
How to cope: Comfort yourself. In the immediate aftermath of a friend’s passing, you might be overcome with fatigue and need sleep. Don’t fight this. You may even want to dig up the garden or repaint the entire house.
Whether you grieve emotionally or instrumentally, like keeping busy, allow yourself to do what feels right for you at that point in this grieving process.
The rough patches… Is hope in sight?
This is a pretty rough part of the journey, and it can leave you feeling stuck and helpless. You’ll have to fight the inner voices inside your head asking you, “what if” and “if only.” These voices serve one purpose: to keep you down.
When you’re determined to move forward, be prepared for the voices to be louder. Don’t listen to them because they can’t help you. It’s okay to say to yourself, “These unhelpful thoughts are holding me back.”
How to cope: Try to embrace gratitude in your grieving process. The best way to move from the “why” of losing a friend in retirement to acceptance is to focus on how grateful you are to have had this person as a part of your life. Focus on what you gained from them, not what you lost.
The resting place… Sadness
This entire process of losing friends in retirement can be exhausting, and there may be times when you just want to give up. Don’t do that, though. This is the part in which you recognize your loss. It’s OK to feel extreme sadness, and it’s also OK to cry it out.
When you mourn, you allow all those pent-up feelings to flee. You don’t have to hold onto them. When you fully grieve, you can get some weight off your shoulders and find your second wind to go on with the rest of your life.
How to cope: Get in touch with others who knew and cared about this person. Talking about a mutual friend to the friend’s family or other pals is a good way to work through memories, sadness, anger, or joy with someone who understands the importance of what has been lost.
And as a bonus, it will help both of you with the grieving process. Also, accept the inevitability of “trigger” events along the way. People are constantly surprised to find themselves weeping at unexpected times, even when they think they’ve handled their grief.
It could be a year after the passing, and you’ve reached some peace. Then you see a scrap of paper with your pal’s handwriting, and suddenly you’re sniveling. This is normal. Snivel away!
Acceptance… But not forgetting
It’s been arduous, but recognize that you’ve come a long way in your grieving process. And most importantly, you’ve learned to persevere and know that you’re going to be okay. It obviously hurts losing a friend in retirement, and the memories still play on a loop in the background.
The difference is, though, that now you can reflect on those memories and smile. What you’ve learned on this journey has helped you grow, and you’re stronger for it. One of the biggest takeaways is that life is short, and it’s essential to treasure those who matter most to you.
Grieving is a process that takes time. It’s also normal to cycle through emotions you thought you had already worked through. You won’t slide backward on your journey… even if it feels like it sometimes. You can only go forward.
You may be met with familiar territory and feel like you’re taking a few steps back. But your capacity to work through it the first time will get you through it again. Even though there may be times you feel that you’re on this journey alone, you’re not.
Many people like yourself have gone down a similar path of losing friends in retirement. So be sure to reach out and let others help you. Your mountain of sorrow may not be easy to defeat, but it’s undoubtedly not undefeatable!
How to cope: Continue your pal’s legacy. Your friend might have been organized and kept a book club running for years. Pick up their mantle. Perhaps your buddy used to read to blind people. Do the same or contribute yearly to a favorite charity in their name.
Losing friends in retirement is obviously very difficult, especially after a lifetime of creating memories together. Remember that help IS out there, and be patient with yourself.
Looking for a special way to remember your best friend? Check out this Memorial Wind Chimes for Loss of Loved One from Amazon to help you in your grieving process!
And if you found this article helpful, we also recommend reading: Post-Retirement Depression: 8 Healthy Ways to Regain Your Happiness
