What are the things you should never tell your aging parents?
Aging can be very beautiful, even if it may come with some changes along the way. Many people believe that as they get older, their independence is fading and they’re starting to lose control over significant aspects of their lives.
Concerned family members may find it difficult to know how to respond to these challenges, and sometimes the way we talk to our aging parents isn’t exactly helpful. It’s very important to show them empathy and understanding, but above everything else, we must show them support and that we will be there for them no matter what.
So, without further ado, let’s see what things you should never tell your aging parents.
You already told me that, I must have heard it a million times already
One of the first things that leaves us when we get older is our memory. So most likely, your parents forgot they told you that particular phrase a couple of days ago. Being angry and telling them that you already heard that about a hundred times before is perfectly justified, but before yelling at them, remember that they probably forgot they told you that story.
Ask leading questions to get your parents to tell you a different tale so you don’t have to listen to the same one over and over again. And do your best to hold on to positive memories. It’s best not to bring up deceased relatives or other sad stories with your parents if they suffer from trouble with memory.
You are never in the mood to do anything
This is probably one of the things you should never tell your aging parents especially if you know they have a health condition that makes them feel exhausted or moody.
Allowing an older person to “vent” about their health for a short while, showing compassion, and then guiding them or encouraging them to schedule an appointment may be a better way to handle the situation than getting annoyed by hearing them say they never feel in the mood to do something.
Once you’ve expressed your regret for their suffering or having to take several medications, talk about a happy memory or event. It’s proven that redirecting your loved one’s focus, even for a little while, can improve their health.
Don’t say you can’t do that! It’s not even that hard
For many seniors, those activities that were once pleasant and easy to do now become daunting. This painful reminder that they are incapable of doing the things they used to be able to do can make them feel rejected by their kids.
Instead of getting worked up, try giving your senior parents new versions of the activity at hand or writing out instructions in case they forget while you’re not there. Stick the instruction notes on the fridge, near the bed, or whenever they spend time more often.
Coping with difficult old parents isn’t always easy, but we must remember that, after all, they’re still our parents who took care of us when we were little. If you are dealing with a complicated situation at home, this book might teach you how to communicate better with your parents, be empathic, and establish some boundaries without being rude. You can find it on Amazon in the paperback version for just $13.54.
You might need a cane or a walker
Many senior citizens are afraid that using a cane or walker would make them appear weak or old. However, if your parents must use one of these two, it would be best if you could explain to them why and what the advantages are.
Tell them calmly that you’re afraid they’re going to fall and suffer a bad injury. Make them understand that a cane or a walker can be their friend in need. If it’s necessary, be patient and go out with them a couple of times until they get along with the appliance.
You always forget your grandkids’ names
Memory loss isn’t always to blame. When it comes to names, anyone may make a small error. Think about it like this: how many times have you heard someone refer to their child by the name of the dog or the other way around? Even parents should not be punished for making mistakes that are still prevalent, regardless of whether they are brought on by the aging process.
Instead of getting angry, kindly remind them of the kids’ names and laugh about the situation.
You probably need to go to a nursing home
This is something common for those seniors who live alone because their children relocated to another part of the town or even outside it. And while you may be worried about your parents’s health and want them to be safe, telling them they shouldn’t be living alone anymore isn’t exactly the best approach. In fact, they can get even more scared and think they’re useless.
For instance, try to express with kindness your concern that living alone increases the possibility that anything could go wrong and that no one will be there to support them.
By using this kind of approach, you could find out that your elderly parent receives daily check-ins from friends or postal carriers, or that your parent is concerned about themselves and wants to talk about possibilities like installing an emergency alert system or thinking about moving into a nursing home.
It’s also important to assure your parents that you will visit them regularly, even if they decide to go to a nursing home, so they won’t feel alone or rejected.
I want your silver collection when you pass away
I bet this surprises you, right? But this happens quite often, especially when the parents are very old and the children or any other family members are eagerly waiting for this opportunity.
This is absolutely not the line to start a conversation with an elderly parent or any other relative; there are better ways to approach the subject.
Saying anything like this to an elderly parent or relative might cause them to feel depressed since you’re bringing up the matter in this manner, and it could make you look heartless and materialistic.
Instead, if you really like that silver collection or any other valuable collection they might have in the house, it’s better to ask if they’re willing to give it to you. Tell them you want it because it will remind you of them. Make them feel special and appreciated, not used for personal benefits.
You’re too old to drive now
One of the things you should never tell your aging parents is they’re too old to drive anymore because you won’t believe how heartbreaking this may sound to their ears. It’s probably as bad as the thing with the walker or the cane because they’re going to feel helpless.
Start the conversation by expressing that you’ve seen a lot of careless driving on the roads, and ask them if they find this as shocking as you do. You may then move on to talk about the notion that seniors may feel safer if they drive less often.
Of course, this is a very sensitive topic, and it could be necessary to seek the help of someone else, such as a physical therapist or other expert, to clarify that it’s in everyone’s best interest for the elderly person to no longer drive. After this talk, make sure they understand that and try to be as supportive as you can be. Offer them your help and say that you can drive them wherever they want to go.
Another related article you may be interested in is 5 Benefits of Pet Therapy for Seniors.
