If you’re looking for some grandparenting tips, you’re in the right place!
As a grandparent, you can play many key roles in your grandchildren’s lives. According to a recent survey of American families, most grandparents cook for their grandchildren and provide them with financial support. However, grandparenting may involve much more than just these material contributions.
It all starts with building a healthy relationship with your grandchildren by dedicating effort and time to better connect with your family. This could mean planning trips with your grandchildren, visiting them more often, or simply making weekly calls. You’ll quickly discover that the results are well worth the effort.
We’ve rounded up some of the best grandparenting tips that can help you be a fabulous grandparent. Let’s get started!
1. Don’t project
Perhaps you had an awful birth, featuring hallucinations, forceps, and several junior doctors loitering like women of the bedchamber. Maybe your baby was a horrible sleeper or refused to eat anything but bananas for the first two years.
One of the best grandparenting tips you should put into practice is to not project your experience on your children and grandchildren. If things happen to you in a certain way, this doesn’t mean that your children will have the same experience of parenthood.
This being said, while practical support and empathy are useful, constantly referring back to your own parental experiences, especially if they were bad, is not.
Equally, you may have some deep fears about certain problems, but keep in mind that these are your problems. Projecting your fears is unhelpful at best and damaging at worst. As parents, your children will have enough concerns of their own, and your job is to calmly reassure them.
2. Don’t admit your fears
If your adult child is about to become a parent, they are going to enter a new phase about which they understand nothing. It’s normal to be as alarmed for them as you would be if they were bungee jumping.
However, the advice that comes next on our list of grandparenting tips is that, whichever phrase of concern or warning springs to your lips, hold it in. Your child needs support, not apprehension.
If you can’t pretend you’re excited, find something supportive to say. It will be appreciated.
3. Only offer what you can give
Grandparents are typically seen as selfless. But even if you’re retired, you’re used to having control over how you spend your time, and offering flexible childcare can easily become a very long piece of string.
One of the best grandparenting tips you should know is to consider how much time you can offer. Give the arrangement a definite structure. Nobody wants to have responsibilities and steal their time.
Equally, you don’t want your loving offer of three afternoons a week to turn into four days and a Saturday morning, unless you’re willing. Try to be realistic about how much time you really have and your levels of confidence and tiredness when it comes to baby-wrangling. It’s easier for everyone when you all know exactly where you stand.
4. Avoid jealousy
Next on our list of grandparenting tips is acknowledging if there’s any jealousy you feel towards the other grandparents.
“I really don’t understand why she buys our granddaughter those awful clothes…” If you’re not careful, your jealousy of the other grandma could make you become the Mrs. de Winter in Rebecca, constantly tormented by your counterpart, living with the brewing paranoia that she’s somehow more loved and more of a grandmother than you’ll ever be.
This happens often among paternal grandmothers because women are generally better at involving their mothers, while lots of men believe a bimonthly text is the peak of communication. And it can be awfully frustrating when the other grandmother shows up every 10 minutes while you’re still dealing with a demanding job and live 250 miles away.
Remember that it’s not a competition—it’s a family.
5. Brush up on your skills
No. 5 on our list of grandparenting tips is being willing to learn new things. While you may have been able to play with a toy with one hand and stir the cooking food with the other 30 years ago, you’ve likely forgotten more than you ever knew.
Although some of it will seem to return, there are some areas where times have changed. What toddlers can eat, for instance (cheese, raw egg products, and grapes aren’t recommended for under three). How pushchairs work and where the children sleep—sharing the parental or grandparental bed is seriously out.
So one of the best grandparenting tips available out there is to not go in unprepared.
Read on to discover other grandparenting tips!
6. Accept that you have no control
When it comes to parenting, the hardest thing to accept is being responsible for everything. When it comes to grandparenting, the hardest thing is accepting that you’re not.
You may not like the clothes your granddaughter is dressed in or have several moral objections to why she’s allowed to sleep over at her friend’s house, but saying so is a fool’s errand.
The only time this rule doesn’t apply is when you truly believe your grandchild is in danger or are privy to information that the parents aren’t.
The foundation of being a good grandparent is respect—for your own time, for the parent’s wishes, and, obviously, for your grandchild. Before you speak, ask yourself: Is this helpful to anyone? Unless the answer to this question is a resounding yes, don’t say it. That way, you will never go wrong.
7. Break the rules—a bit
As a kid, one of the joys of staying with my grandparents was knowing I could stay up to watch my favorite cartoons and that my grandma would bring me my favorite breakfast—Cheerios cereals with milk—in bed. The danger comes when the spoiling isn’t just a bit of a mild indulgence—you’re actively breaking clear rules established by the parents.
One of the most important grandparenting tips is to follow those rules, but break them a bit when possible. It won’t do any harm if you give your grandchild an extra 15 minutes in front of the TV, and they will appreciate that. Moreover, it will be like you two have a little secret. Children love that, and they will feel spoiled!
This is one of those grandparenting tips that always works!
8. Be clear about cash
After bedtimes and sweets, perhaps the thorniest issue of grandparent-good is money. Nobody wants to quote a price to their nearest and dearest, but with nearly half of families with kids reliant on grandparents for at least part-time childcare, is it reasonable to do it all gratis, or should you be asking for some recompense for your labor?
This is a question you should ask yourself, particularly if you spend three to six days a week at the coalface.
Similar to other grandparenting tips, this one isn’t a one-size-fits-all strategy. There’s no rule, though lots of grandparents find the idea of charging horrible. Some avert tackling the issue by accepting expenses; others view their costs as part of the grandparental lot.
This being said, one of the most important grandparenting tips you should be aware of is clarifying your position at the outset.
9. Don’t spend a fortune
Spoiling your grandchildren may be another way of saying you spend money to make kids happy. If you’re a new grandparent, watching your adult child struggle to afford the clothes, toys, and everything else required can trigger an itchy credit card finger.
According to personal finance experts, one of the most important grandparenting tips to have in mind is to set a budget and aim to stick by it. Moreover, some parents may feel like they can’t manage, so if you want to buy a present, consult them first.
When it comes to Christmas and birthdays, again, resist the temptation to come with a pink pony gift wrapped in a big box. If the parent can’t afford much, your gesture will be nothing but showboating.
In other words, in a situation like this, the best advice would be to keep gifts affordable and appropriate.
10. Manage long distance
Last but not least on the list of grandparenting tips is managing the long distance. Chances are that your daughter or son is living a good few hours’ drive away, if not abroad. Fortunately, it’s possible to maintain a happy ongoing relationship with far-away family members nowadays, thanks to FaceTime and Skype.
Speaking to them in real-time, even if it’s just for a few minutes while you wait for the bus, means you’re still a presence in each other’s lives. Supplementing this are Facebook and texting, and if you’re really into new means of communication, you can even share memes or messages with your grandchildren via Instagram.
Here’s our book recommendation if you need some extra tips!
If you liked our article on grandparenting tips, you may also want to read Melancholic About Your Own Childhood? Relive It With Your Grandkids.
